Thoreau had the right idea

On my ride home today, I came to grips with something that could ruin me forever.

I am a romantic. And not just in relationships. In everything. I have a romantic view of the world. I think anything and everything is possible, and believe all people have the potential to do great things. I think I was born in the wrong country. Perhaps that is why I felt so at home in France.

My romantic notions are odd when it comes to relationships, because I actually dislike typical romantic things, like opening doors or flowers. Don't get me wrong, those things are nice every once in a while, but I don't day dream about those things. I fantasize about my mysterious significant other showing up on my doorstep, unannounced, just because he wanted to see me. I dream about letters that just say things like "lima bean" or "monkey toes" being stuffed in my mailbox just because he/she knows I need to laugh at something at the end of the day. But most importantly, I want to be able to do those things for him/her, and not get a weird look when I do.

Really, it all comes back to boy #2. I want to leave him a CD, anonymously, and let him figure out who left it. After he does, I do not even care whether or not he wants to be in a relationship with me. I just want him back in my life. I do not understand why he is ignoring me? I haven't called him, and he hasn't called me. I just do not understand. It's stupid, naive, whatever.

I am just frustrated by not being able to find someone whose romantic tendencies match mine. And don't give me that "Boys aren't romantic like that" bullshmappy, because I know plenty of boys who do romantic things. Only most of those boys are my friends, and well, I am trying to stay away from that, dating of friends. I just want to know what a girl has to do to be treated the way she wants to be treated? Wait? Well, I'm impatient. Which really means most of this is my fault. Perhaps I should just accept defeat and move to the forest.