New New Year's Resolution

I tried to keep a blog in Europe, and I think did a pretty good job. That is, until I got to Hungary. It all went to shit in Budapest.

Oh well. This time, I'm really gonna do it. Seriously. Don't make that face.

I suppose I feel a little selfish doing this, like who the fuck would want to hear about the ups and downs of my life. I am hoping this will be theraputic during this time of extreme confusion. And maybe I'll magically become a better writer. Nah.

Things feel a little surreal right now, what with going back to teaching after two months of vacation, trying to do work for the job I will start July 1, my ex-boyfriend coming back from South America after six months, and one of my long-time friends getting ultra-weird around me.

It is great to be with my students again, I could hardly keep a straight mean face today when I saw them standing outside the door. (They aren't nearly as insane as your munchkins Mags, but hey, they're only in middle school). I am slightly stressed out by this new job though, because I cannot do my best at that job and teach at the same time. It's overwhelming. I hope they don't fire me before I start. Perhaps I need performance enhancers. Does viagra work for that too?

Speaking of performance, onto the mysterious boys in my life. Yes, the juicy part of the blog, the stuff I really need to get out. Ew. I'm not sure that came out right. Wait. Double Ew.

Anyway, ex has returned to the states, sans the mass email he said he would send before he returned. All I got was a mass invitation to the "supper club" he had formed before he left. I am wondering if he included me in that email by mistake, and possibly sent out another mass email to the group (minus me) announcing his return. I emailed him to ask him if he was really coming home this time (last time he said he was coming home, it was an April Fools Joke). He said yes, and asked if I was coming to dinner. I told him I wasn't sure, but asked if we could hang out later next week. I hope that is the right course of action. Am I in love with him still? Yes, perhaps, but I think that feeling intensified because he has been gone for so long.

Now this other mysterious friend, one of three people I have been in love with, is acting really strange. He is a strange kid to begin with, and has known me since I was just an awkward teenager fumbling around in Cleveland. A few weeks ago we had a, um, well "moment" after some sake. Logic took hold quickly and nothing happened, but the last time I saw him he was a bit jumpy. And now every time we are on the phone, he gets all nervous. I could be jumping to conclusions, which is entirely possible, since there is that little screaming part inside me hoping that it all does mean something. But then there's that pesky logic again. It says, 'oh for the love of green tomatoes amy, please find yourself a more stable partner.'

I say stability is for the eels.