Is it the man, or the idea of?

This just keeps getting worse and worse. The episode last night was ridiculous.

I planned on going to Revolution at the El Cid with my friend Jeff, and Boy #1 was supposed to meet us there. Jeff and I did not leave his house until after 11, as that particular club night seems to be a late starter. Much to our dismay, when we arrived, there was a line.

Boy #1 was just a few steps in front of us. I had a quick moment of panic, and almost booked it out of there. But no, he saw us, and came to say hello. I was shaking so much he asked me if I was ok. I even forgot to introduce Jeff. Fortunately, he detected my panic and introduced himself. We had a few awkward moments of silence, and then I remembered I had a voice again. Boy #1 brought me something from his travels, and Jeff suggested i go put it in the car while he waited in line. Again trying to stay cool, I walked with Boy #1, the whole time trying to figure out his agenda. I think I got the "just want to be friends" vibe out of him pretty quickly, but I wasn't completely convinced.

Unfortunately, when we got back to the club, Jeff was still in line. The stupids at the El Cid had overbooked the club that night, and they were at capacity. Feeling like a loser, I opted for leaving as I did not want to wait in line. My whole "I'm gonna show Boy #1 that I am doing fine without him" totally backfired. We opted for Bang, and Boy #1 bailed. He said he wasn't up for it.

At Bang, I was completely distracted. I had to know. What the hell. Was going. On. With Boy #1. Here are the text messages that ensued:

me: What are we going to do?
b1: This is almost as cryptic as your txt yesterday that just said "See."
me: what can I say? You make me tongue tied. I can't reason my way out of this one.
b1: I don't know what 2 say. I no longer think breaking up was a bad idea. And as tempted as I might be, I don't think its a good idea 2 hook up.
me: I agree
b1: Then why the txt?
me: Because its hard. I know you and I are not a match. But for 6 months I missed you, and it fucked me up. Its the history, I think.
b1: I'm sorry, Is there anything I can do? Unrelated: I forgot to say hi from Sandra. Are you still at bang?

And that was the end. I wanted to barf, and I was not even drunk. I am such an ideeeeot. There was no reason for me to act all needy. I have been fine, better than fine without him.

So OK, now what. On to better things. I've seen him, gotten over the initial shock, and it should be easier from here on out. Right?