Whew. Two posts in one day. Howja like dem apples?
Not to steal the line from Mr. Beck Beckrockstarstein, but really, it sums up a lot of what I go through, every time I think about Boy #2. Because with him, I never learn. Every time, it's the same fucking thing. I fall for him, I stress about him not returning my affection, distance myself, become friends with him and then fall in love with him all over again. It's a vicious cycle. I think I am starting to understand Dorothy Parker on a whole new level now.
Boy #1 is totally out of the picture now. I'll probably see him here and there, but I have not thought about him much this week at all.
Boy #3 is great, his ex girlfriend has been showing him more affection, so he is happy. And I am happy for him. You know that feeling you get when you talk to someone who is genuinely happy? Its like the serenity in their voice drips into your ear and seeps into your brain. It's not until you hang up the phone that you are smiling like a gap tooth kid with a popsicle.
The news is, that there is now a Boy #4. I know, I know, what a ho bag. But really, I'm only hooking up with one of these boys, so it's fine. Anyway, this one is EXTREMELY low maintenence, which is nice. I don't need to stress over this one. The strange thing is that I find him incredibly sexy, and he is the complete opposite of the type of boy I am usually attracted to.
Sometimes though, with all of these sort of loose relationships, I feel kinda used. I know it takes two to tango, but sheeit dawg, why can't I get it right? It's like, as long as I don't try and have a romantic relationship, everything is fine. The minute that starts to happen, everything falls apart. And I really don't want a romantic relationship with anyone except Boy #2, and at this point, I am lucky to have any relationship with him at all.
Today, one of my students gave me this advice on life: When in doubt, poke it with a stick.
Poke poke poke. Hm. No response. I guess I haven't learned anything about love yet.
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