Who's sorry now?

This morning, on Democracy Now (www.democracynow.org), they said that a new Washington Post - ABC poll showed that Americans no longer feel that the war in Iraq made the US a safer place. The poll also said that 75 percent of people feel the number of US causalties in Iraq is unacceptable.

To that I say a big FAT, WELL WELL WELL, I TOLD YOU FREAKING SO YOU STUPID STUPID PEOPLE WHO VOTED FOR BUSH!

Why are people suddenly coming to this realization?

Last night, I went motorcycle riding with one Miss C, her boyfriend, and her boyfriend’s friend. Again, it was an incredible experience. Hollywood boulevard and the sunset strip have never looked so beautiful. Riding a motorcycle is like getting your prescription changed (or, as I would imagine it feels, because I have never had this exact experience. Go eyes!). The world looks sharper, colors are brighter, the sounds more intense (even though you are essentially deaf inside that helmet).

Similies aside though, we got into a very interesting conversation during our stop at Swingers. Somehow, we started talking about the government and money, and Miss C’s boyfriend brought up the fact that his brother went to Vietnam. He (Miss C’s boy) said that his brother realized, after three tours, that he was being forced to fight for all the wrong reasons. When his brother first went to Vietnam, he sincerely believed he was fighting for democracy and the end of communist regimes. But as he returned, he began to understand that the war was essentially for nothing. Money maybe. Political power maybe. But not freedom and democracy.

It occurred to me, as I am certain it did to everyone else at the table, that I had heard this same tale recently, over and over again. Soldiers, who committed to defend America and spread democracy, come back from Iraq damaged by the realization that they were used. They were used to secure American power across the region. They were used to make sure Halliburton would make bank this year, and for years to come. They were used to make sure the Bush Administration could still have access to valuable oil reserves. Democracy? I think they forgot to include that in the plan. And it makes me incredibly angry that soldiers die every day fighting a losing battle.

And there’s my rant for the day. Sorry to get all serious on ya.

I did my best to avoid contact with Boy #4 yesterday, and I think I am going to continue on this past for the next few days. He texted me, I texted back, small talk mostly. Ug, I think we broke when he came to the realization that he could not handle me being with other people. I want to be with him, but now when I think about seeing him, I get nervous about what I am going to say to him that is going to be offensive, or wandering into dangerous territory. I don’t like the part of the relationship where I get quiet. The part when I stop being myself. I don’t want to stop being myself.

The stace-meister and I have had a lot of conversations about the fine line between totally abandoning your single self and being a “_____friend.” You should not have to give up being yourself to be in a relationship, but I think that you do it involuntarily anyways. You have to be more conscious of your actions and your feelings. It has to do with vulnerability – you are vulnerable to being hurt by your partner’s actions, and vice versa.

I think I am just getting the distinct feeling that Boy #4 would not be nearly as hurt by my actions as I would by his. It’s an imbalance, you know? Everyone struggles with the scales.