I must be insane. I'm talking utterly, completely and totally insane. Just as things are going well, my heart goes a different direction. Am I bipolar? It's possible.
A few posts ago, I wrote about how I was craving a romantic situation, despite the fact that Boy #4 should have been filling that need. In the end, it is my misstep, not his that is leaving me unsatisfied. He's right, really, I do want to be swept off my feet, but it doesn't take much for that to happen. I just want to be suprised I guess, by something. Is that unreasonable? Perhaps it is, for our situation. Perhaps it is better that things are stagnant and predictable, because of the time limit.
But I never liked stagnant and predictable. I want volatile and unpredictable. I want to drive down to his house and have my jaw hit the floor because of something he does or says. I want to find him sitting on my doorstep after a hard day at work. And maybe, if I do these things, he will reprocate. However, according to JummyRay, that would not be playing the game right. If I did those things, I would seem desparate, which is a very unattractive quality in a woman.
Oh, and the other thing I realized on Saturday, but couldn't quite get it out, is that I really hate that he pegs me as a "girly" girl. He and his friend (who was TREMENDOUS, by the way, except for this little incident) said some shit-ass comment on Sunday that just pissed me off so badly I wanted to run screaming from the restaurant. Granted, I peg him quite often as a "dude," but come on, he is a dude. Keg stands and all. And I accept him for that. I am NOT a girly girl. Yes, I like to talk shit with my friends, because let's face it, that is fun. Yes, I like it when my toes look pretty, because well, it looks like I take care of myself. But I cannot take the stereotyping. I pride myself on being different. One of my worst fears is becoming someone with no suprises. I can't be that, I refuse. I know I am not that.
And maybe that is how he deals with me. I fit into a category for him, so it is easy for him. No suprises.
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6 comments:
Although pink was my favorite color growing up, I abandonded it at age 8 because it was girly, and I was not.
In 2001 I embraced the color pink again. I proudly wore it. I like pink. But I can still throw a football better than most guys while I wear my pink high heels.
It's OK to be a little girly-girl. But it's even better to hate that part of us.
Yes, Jayna, I agree. I hate the fact that I am girly at all. I like being a woman, but I do not like the sterotypes associated with womanhood. Again, I think this is why I like men who are less manly. They are less likely to think they know you because you are a woman, for some reason. Perhaps it has to do with their own confusing identity.
It's like wanting a woman who likes sports but doesn't REALLY like them.
Which can I say is what I've found I hate about guys who like sports? They want a girl who likes sports so they can take us out and show off their sports skills. They don't really want to play basketball with you. They definitely don't want you to beat them.
I agree with that too J-dawg. So many times I have pretended to like sports for a guy. What a waste. Granted, I do like certain sporting events, particularly when I am invested in a team. But I don't think that that should be a deal-breaker for anyone.
Gouuuullletttttttt!
cop663: You like noisy music?
Faye: Yes. The louder the better. Stops me from thinking.
Cop663: You don't like to think? What do you like?
Faye: Never thought about it.
just some random shit from your roomie
love ya
byeeeee!!!!!
you are such a cute little girl! you know i don't mean it like that...its just that the best part about being a woman is being a woman, lisetning to our hearts and acting on it...its cruel and unusual to ignore it for the sake of our pride. I want to move to Montana so that I can wear a sherpa coat in the winter. You are so lucky.
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