Fifty percent of nothing

It's been almost three weeks since my last post. Shit that's a long time. I have tried to approach the computer several times since my last post, but I think I have been afraid of facing the truth, or at least putting it in words. And it is startling just how many truths one has to face up to if one waits long enough. But here it is, 2006, a year from last year's hangover, I might as well start facing reality's sandpaper sooner rather than later.

So, let me start with 2. I got pissed at 2, and after a night of drinking last week, I called him. He was on his way home, slighly tipsy. I asked him to come over. He refused. Why, I said, getting impatient. It's not a good idea he said, you know it, I know it, let's just leave it at that. But you f-ed things up I said, losing my patience. I thought I made it pretty clear, we cannot have a relationship like you want, he insisted. Like I want!?!? Like I want?!?! I exclaimed, what the hell was last week all about?!?!?!?!?

I don't really remember what was said exactly, I think I am trying to block it out of my mind, but he mostly rescinded everything he said on that fateful Saturday. He said he was fed up with the constant imbalance in the relationship, me always liking him more than he likes me. To that I say, thibitthibitthibit. I will not dignify that kind of ego-babble bullshit with a response. He can take his perfect india ink eyes and 180million IQ and go f with another girl's head. Yes, I still love him, but I am not going to put myself through his shit in pursuit of some relationship that would probably be detrimental in the long run.

Whew. Moving on. StaceyShaniquaP came to visit last week. I am just going to list some key words:

Magic Castle
Magicians at Mel's
Holiday party with the boss
Ecstasy with Shmallie, followed by Little Tokyo Sushi delights
Akbar boys love akbar boys
4100 french martinis and the politics of journalism in LA
A hungover run around the reservoir
Reunion over hamentashen and bad jam bands
5 am flight to SFO

And done. Clearly, it was the best three days of SSP's life in Los Angeles. ;)

New Years, now that was an experience. As tradition dictates, I spent the first part of the evening enjoying new years soup at my sister's friend's house. My sister and brother-in-law drive down every year to have new years with these particular pals, and since I have been in LA, I too have reaped the benefits of these visits. Why soup on new years? It's a secret. So there. Ha. The second part of the night, well, I went somewhere new, I drank something (or somethings new), I did some bad things. All in all, it was fantastic. A rather tame, and yet, refreshing new years.

One of my bad new years deeds left me thinking about something though, something I am all too willing to discard. When I do these things, with 2, with 4, with whoever, I am at least 50 percent responsible. More than often, I am always aware of what I am getting myself into, and I do it anyways. I am not sure why i crave these emotionally irresponsible situations. The logical person would say, um, hello, you WANT a relationship right now, why are you f-ing around with non-relationship situations? Instead, I say, OH BOY! FUN! WHAT CAN I GET MYSELF INTO TODAY???

Perhaps my new years resolution should be to listen to that logical person.