This week has already been tragically humorous, and it is only thursday. My heart was prodded twice with a fork, from both sides.
On the left side (the working, rational side), the stuporintendent gouged me fairly hard by deciding that he was going to give our seven lowest performing high schools to charters. I have a bruise on my chin from when my jaw hit the floor when he announced that. Seriously, is he insane? Charters can be a part of the solution, yes, but are they the best option for converting our lowest performing schools? I think not. Instead of presenting a plan for actually implimenting small schools, he said nothing, a whole lot of nothing. What is consistent about school reform? Every plan calls for small classes, low teacher load, teacher-created curriculum, autonomy over budgeting, authentic assessment and community involvement. Why can't we just f-ing get to that? I have never been so challenged in my entire life. Strike that, my first year of teaching was way more challenging. This is almost harder though, because at least when I was teaching, I could claim a small piece of control over the people who were affecting performance the most (the kiddies). I have a sliver of power now, but I have to exert it very, very, very carefully. Thinking before speaking is not optional in this job. You have to watch every word, make sure what you are saying has a point every second of every minute of the day, otherwise people will stop listening to you, and start listening to someone else.
On the right side, #6 and I had a well-predicted falling out of sorts. I am not even sure we are still together right now. As far as I am concerned, we're not. He gave me the whole, "I just can't be your steady boyfriend" shpiel, and told me that a few weeks ago, he made out with someone at the shortstop. I told him I had my suspicions that he was seeing other people, and he assured me he was never serious about anyone else. He said he is not used to getting all the attention he is getting from girls, and if he gets into an "interesting" situation with another girl, he does not want to have to feel guilty about it. Fine, I said, I don't recall us ever having the conversation about being exclusive. He insisted that things just got serious without the conversation, so he just wanted to make things clear. I asked him if he wanted to stop seeing me, and he kept saying no. I just don't get it. If you want to be with someone, why is it necessary to hook up with other people? I guess it is a college mentality, the whole i-can't-be-tied-down thing. I am so tired of hearing that same chord progression.
So, fuck it. If he wants to see me, let him come. I'll see him IF I have time. The problem is that I like him, a lot. To a fault even, because I hear myself making excuses for him. Excuses for him not having a car, excuses for him not engaging in conversation with my friends, excuses for him not walking me out to my car at 2 am. Well, no more excuses.
Thursday, October 20, 2005
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2 comments:
"making excuses for him not walking me out to my car at 2 am" I don't know why this hurt me more then the possibility of him seeing other people. Can you feel my eyes rolling in my head?
Candy is brilliant. Well said, my friend.
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