Ok, now I am just stressed out.
1. I cannot find a suitable apartment. All I want (which I guess is a lot to ask) is an apartment that is close to stuff (los feliz village or sunset junction), will take cats, and is under 1000. I am so tired of looking at crap. GROWR!
2. People hate me, because I do stupid things, and now I am being ostracized. (Am I blowing this out of proportion? Yes, but this is how it is playing out in my head). This is EXACTLY what happened to me at the end of my college experience. I did a stupid, stupid thing and I was labeled a social outcast for about two months. All of this is COMPLETELY MY FAULT. Why would people want to be around me? I think this is why I developed social anxiety disorder (undiagnosed, of course). I am always afraid people are going to find me out, then see the real me, and leave me. The real me, apparently, sucks ass. I guess it is time for a change. I guess it is time for me to be a bit more rational, to take better care of the people around me, to be better about thinking about other people before I act. I am not trying to be the stir-er of conflict. I don't want to be the person people are careful not to upset. I want people to feel comfortable around me, to feel like they can come to me for anything. I think I am going to print up those new years resolutions in big type and hang them in my room.
3. Based on #2 as stated above, I am not sure i know how to go about fixing things. I need help. Help help help. I am afraid I am going to become a hermit when I move into my nonexistent studio apartment in los feliz/silverlake/echo park, because no one will want to talk to me. I am at a loss here, and it is driving me crazy.
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4 comments:
Again, I love you. I love you for who you are!
What is wrong with you? Do you forget all of us who love you who are still here in the city? Okay...so we're all kinda consumed by work but you know what together we will survive. Call me. Candy
Only the people who forgive us are the ones worth truly having around. Everyone has moments when we do something we wish we could take back. I hope all goes well with you. Call if you need me.
You guys made me cry. Seriously. I was tearing up. You are all the best. Thank you, a million trillion gazillion times for everything. A longer blog elaborating on this point is soon to follow. In the meantime, you all make my heart burst! :)
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